passimclamoribus

👉🔪👌

💀💀💀💀

🫵🤡

📯📯📯

👆😎👑

🫵💃🐒

[ It's been a perfectly lovely day in Hell. Birds aren't singing, the sun isn't shining (because that only happens on Earth), there's no sweet breeze on the brimstone air. But there's also no Alastor! Not a single sign of him, neither hide nor hair for the entire wonderful morning. For the first time since becoming a resident at the hotel, Lucifer was able to enjoy his breakfast in peace.

Relative, because the crop of demonic guests had been in a tizzy over something, but Lucifer had sipped his tea, pet Keekee, and enjoyed a blissful hour without Alastor's infuriatingly smug smile popping up even once. Truly, a happy day in Hell.

So lovely that Lucifer is thrilled to volunteer for Razzle and Dazzle (the second)'s daily walk. He's walking along, watching his daughter's guardian beasts float through the air and take turns divebombing an unfortunate demon who'd decided to try his luck with stabbing the ruler of Hell in a surprise attack, when he hears it:

A familiar staticky crackle.

Lucifer turns. Down the alley he sees it. A vivid pool of spreading blood and a body, its chest torn open. The white gleam of bone where the body — body, because it's not a corpse yet, limbs still twitching — has its ribs cracked open and peeled back like blooming leaves. Now that he's listening, he can hear the wet wheezing breaths of fluid-filled lungs dragging in desperate breaths.

And perched over the corpse, one hand coated with gore, Alastor. Of course. Of course, even without being around, Alastor finds a way to rain all over his dragon-walking parade!

Lucifer grumbles and takes a few steps into the alley. ]

This is what you've been up to all morning?

[ His glorious, Alastor-free morning! ]

[ Technically speaking, every day is a happy day in Hell - depending on who it is that you talk to. Happiness is not a tangible, definable thing. It means different things to different people! Though if one had been to ask Alastor; well just what does "happy" feel like? Maybe he'd be able to tell someone once he's not fettered and under another's thumb.

Oh he is none too pleased to have the fallen angel at the hotel. It means that Alastor has lost a degree of control there that he so desperately needs. Sure, it's quite delightful to rile the King of Hell up and it alleviates some of the strain that Alastor feels regarding his personal situation. However, he dislikes that potential for Lucifer has to undermine Alastor and his own personal goals.

There's also the matter of hunger as of late. It had taken quite a considerable amount of energy to have sheilded the hotel for as long as he had. Even more to be able to recover proper. This leaves Alastor feeling rather famished in a way he hasn't acknowledged since coming to the hotel. Those loan sharks certainly hadn't tickled this particular fancy of his and his meals at the hotel hadn't been fresh. No one really approaches the topic of just what, exactly, Alastor elects to eat when he takes meals alone. Perhaps no one really wants to know the answer and the one time Vaggie had interrupted? That had been relatively tame.

Oh he knows that Charlie would disapprove if she had known what Alastor has been doing while also out on his "errands." It's so easy to fall back into old habits - just like riding a bike. Everything from the selection of a target to following them around. Leading them into a false sense of security - admittedly that is the challenge since most are quite content to give him a wide berth upon recognition. But to lead them into some alley and then the realization of what is to come.

The fear is what makes the flesh all the more delectable. A Sinner is a Sinner, tainted in some way that no one really understands. However, the warmth of their blood and how the heart still beats as teeth rip and tear through skin and bone. The sound of bones creaking before they snap and the screams that follow. Oh that makes it just as satisfying as if it had been while on Earth. If only Alastor could have savored it longer before hunger takes hold.

It's in the throes of that bloodlust, Alastor quite literally tearing the throat out of his victim that he's discovered. This is Hell. Violence of this nature happens every passing second and no one really bats an eye. And yet out of all people to actually stop and gawk, it would have to be none other than Lucifer.

That's certainly one way to kill the mood.

Alastor's smile grows tight. His form shifts into something smaller, less monstrous even though his antlers remain elongated. Side effect of attempting to savour a meal and all of that. ]

Goodness! To think that our mighty liege would mingle with the common people. How long has it been again?

[ Completely ignoring the question. And the way that the Sinner bleeding out is trying to crawl away. ]

[ Oh, lovely. As Alastor lifts his head, Lucifer gets an eyeful of even more gore, this time literally dripping down Alastor's chin. There's so much of it that it looks like his face is just another part of the ruddy, high-collared coat. The pointed, knife-edge smile is stained red and there's even a little bit of flesh caught between two shark teeth. Yuck. It's enough to have Lucifer's gut clenching in distaste. ]

Ugh. [ Lucifer grimaces, but still takes another couple steps closer, pointedly avoiding a few blood splatters. ] You've got a little something— here.

[ A quick finger wiggle towards the left side of his own mouth. Couldn't Alastor at least have the grace not to be a messy eater? ]

You know you saw me out yesterday! [ On another errand for Charlie. But that counts. It totally counts! Alastor has seen him touch what counts for grass in Hell, he doesn't have to sound so pompous about the Big Boss out here with the plebs. Even if that's exactly what it is. ] I can't believe you're doing this. Why are you doing this?

[ He also pays no attention to the poor victim trying to drag himself to safety. Towards Lucifer, for some unfathomable reason, as if he's going to be any help. ]

[ Normally he would be a little more refined, but time tends to be of the essence when more and more Sinners see fit to appear at the hotel. Not to mention it's not like he can get take out and bring it back to the hotel either. Thus does he have to resort to fast food.

Not that it was moving very fast at the moment. Not that Lucifer really seemed to care about Alastor's meal beyond trying to figure out just why Alastor does anything. So, really, it's more about the Radio Demon than the meal below. ]

My most sincere apologies.

[ And in that regard? He is apologetic if only because of the blood and gore that covers his face. Only because that is evidence that not all is quite well. Yet with a sweep of a tongue over lip and teeth, Alastor seems to get most of it. Then he pulls out a napkin from nowhere to dab his chin. ]

I think it obvious why I am doing this, sir. Not all of us thrive off of pancakes and whatever else is conjured up at the hotel. Don't tell me you feel something for him?

[ Shadowy tendrils shoot out from behind Alastor. Grab onto his prey and slowly drags him back towards Alastor proper. Oh he's not done yet. ]

[ Feel something? For some sinner who's getting his just desserts by way of being Alastor's— well, hopefully not desserts, Lucifer would really prefer to think this is the first meal of the day, but the point remains that this is just one more sinner meeting his well-earned fate. When the unfortunate demon scrapes across the ground, Lucifer only moves out of the way so he's not in reach of the man's desperately flailing arms. No need to get his clothes dirty here, Alastor's already got the whole bloody mess thing covered. ]

I feel put off my lunch! [ Yeah, a distinct unpleasant roiling of his stomach is going on here. Good thing it's been a while since breakfast, he only feels a little like gagging. Maybe finding some bleach and tossing it all over the scene until there's less viscera stinking the place up. ] I can't believe you're just going at him, you don't even know where he's been. What if he's diseased or something?

[ This is a sinner, after all! You can never tell what disgusting habits they've been up to! ]

[ Alastor hums, static popping a little. It never fails to surprise him how alarmingly squeamish denizens of Hell are. If only Earth and the living mortal souls on it knew what Lucifer Morningstar is actually like. Would there be much to fear beyond this little man’s wrath?

Overrated, really. ]

Really? I feel as though my appetite has only been stimulated further. Though this might also be due to an untimely interruption.

[ Lucifer. He means Lucifer - and there is an edge to his voice as he says it. He hates being interrupted during a meal.

Speaking of! The poor demon in question is still gurgling. Spitting and coughing up blood. Seems like the thing is trying to speak. Alastor tuts. ]

My, it seems that everyone around here lacks matters. Can’t you see that we are having a conversation? [ Those tendrils slip about the neck of the already dying demon. Alastor snaps his fingers and the tendrils squeeze. There’s a sickening accompanying snap of a neck. Breathing stops. The flailing and sounds stop. The appendages slip back into the shadows, leaving the dead weight where it is. ] Much better!

[ Now he turns back to Lucifer proper, manifesting that microphone cane and leaning forward on it. ]

Now where were we? Oh yes, diseases. Fret not, lest you forget where we are. Of course everything is diseased!

[ Yeah, that's an unfortunate end. Lucifer doesn't so much as blink at it, though. He also doesn't even consider feeling apologetic about being the interruption to Alastor's meal. Suck it, that's what Alastor gets for eating a guy right off a public street. If he cared about privacy, he shouldn't be ripping someone apart where anyone and their adorable, fun-sized dragons could see. ]

I know this is Hell, but we have food that isn't diseased.

[ He prods at the still hand of the man with the tip of his cane. Yuck. Who knows what nastiness this demon was engaged in before he had the misfortune of running into Alastor? He lives with Angel Dust and Niffty, he knows what kinds of ick sinners can get into.

And speaking of food — real food: ]

And you can cook, so why are you out here eating it raw?

[ You know, like some unwashed savage. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

btw i just got your username last night

lmao at least you got it!

i laughed and groaned in equal parts

then my job here is done!

And tgif

so, so tgif!!

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

for @ technicaldifficulties

Re: for @ technicaldifficulties

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject