passimclamoribus

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OPEN RP
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I said that I would make this much cleaner and neater and now here we are.

Let me say thank you for stopping by and giving this journal a look over. This is a space to unwind and have a little bit of fun. If you want to thread something out, well then let's do just that. You can throw something my way and I'll just roll with what you give me. Or you can drop me a message if you want to plot something out.

Let's RP!

❤

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

lamentapple

Ow!

[ No, Lucifer is not above yelping when someone digs a hard, probably-metal object directly into his toes. It does get him to stop the elbowing, which means Alastor is free to lean right into the very heart of his personal space while Lucifer tries to bat the cane away. He's so distracted by the process of rescuing his toes that he doesn't quite notice how close his face is getting to Alastor's.

Until he looks back up and sees they're nearly nose to nose, with Alastor all but hissing those two deeply unnerving words at him, static buzzing in Lucifer's ears.

Lucifer shoves in closer and grumbles: ]

I don't want your attention! And I thought you were supposed to keep me from getting hurt, not injure me yourself.

From:

passimclamoribus

[ Well Alastor is not going to be the one to back down first. Thus will he stay put. Right in the very king of Hell's face. ]

You sure work hard at keeping it.

[ His attention, that is. Though, really, Alastor is just as bad. Apparently neither one of them can keep from snipping at each other the moment the other enters the room.

The next sentence just has him raising a brow. ]

Are you suggesting that little old me has the potential to harm you? If you can be hurt by a little nudge, then you truly are in need of my assistance.

From:

lamentapple

I could be God themself and I wouldn't want someone crushing my foot!

[ He's just gonna ignore that first comment. Because it's true. It's too true and he's not thinking about it. Not thinking about how Alastor gets under his skin and the very sight of the man makes him want to strangle him, and how Alastor is so frustratingly infuriating and— and oh look, he is thinking about it! How can he not when his perfectly good bowl of soup has been contaminated with sinner vibes. Yuck!

You know what, there's a great way to make his point. A little childish, maybe, but when it comes to Alastor, nothing is out of line!

He jabs his cane into Alastor's boot. Haha, take that, sucker. ]

From:

passimclamoribus

[ A perfectly good bowl of soup that Alastor himself would have made. Therefore already contaminated! Technically.

Hopefully there's not much of an audience. If there is, they are entirely forgotten. That tends to happen when Alastor is around Lucifer - he forgets himself and that there could be others present. Now that's something Alastor cannot and will not dwell on. Nope. Not looking at that any further.

Instead there's a brief screech of static at his own foot being jabbed. The only visual action being his eyes going wide and his grin turning sharper. ]

Well neither would they like it if someone were jabbing them with a tiny, boney elbow.

[ Since Lucifer wants to call him out? Alastor will do the same thing. ]

Edited (there's a difference between bony and boney i guess!) Date: 2024-02-20 04:52 am (UTC)

From:

lamentapple

[ Look, sometimes a guy just has to not think about things in order to get through the day! Which is impossible when the dude contaminating the soup is blowing on it right in front of you! And everyone's seen him do it, because yeah, the whole crew is here for staff dinner night (Lucifer refused to allow family dinner night). They've all been sharing around a bucket of popcorn since the blowing on soup started.

Which Lucifer is also not thinking about.

Mostly because he's too busy reveling in that smug satisfaction as his attack on Alastor's foot elicits an audible reaction. (And not thinking about why he's so smug about getting a reaction. Nope. Nope, nope, nope!) Ha HA, how do you like it now, asshole?

Probably the same as he likes Lucifer elbowing him, which he only refrains from starting up again because he can lift his arm and show off the guns — er, sharp, pointy elbow-shaped weapon of war — complete with a conjured burst of sparkles for backdrop. ]

Your short joke is falling flat. The small, sharp elbow does way more damage. [ So, so smug about that. ] And I wouldn't have had to do that if you weren't being ridiculous over my soup!

From:

passimclamoribus

[ Poor Charlie likely doesn't know what to do about them. ]

I suppose you would be the expert in that area. [ Falling flat, that is. Ouch. But he started this! And Alastor is going to ~~attempt to~~ finish it. Augh he hates that smug expression so much. It sparks a different level of aggression in Alastor that he is not thinking about either. ] Though really aren't we overreacting just a bit?

[ Alastor holds up his hands. Wiggles his fingers. ]

You act as though my hands were not all over it to begin with!

From:

lamentapple

At least I had somewhere to fall from. And still ended up at the top of the heap.

[ What's that saying? "Better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven." Don't make him bring out the wings for this argument, Alastor! Because he will. He'll bring them all out. Even the halo if he has to!

Which is to say the smug expression hasn't disappeared. It hasn't even flickered. Over in the audience section of the room, bets are being made. Bets about what? Better not to ask. ]

And what, were you making a point to huff into the pot while you were cooking? [ A beat as he realizes it could be worse. ] Oh unholy Hells, did you spit in the pot?

From:

passimclamoribus

[ Since that smug look isn't going anywhere, Alastor is going to take matters into his own hands. Quite literally. As Lucifer continues to be a smug little bitch, the Radio Demon has aspoon into the very soup that they seem to be arguing over.

And then, when the opportunity presents itself? He grabs at Lucifer's jaw and pops the spoonful right into the king of Hell's mouth. ]

I would never do anything to spoil the flavour profile of a meal. Those kinds of insults won't be tolerated here.

[ Implying that despite how agitated he can get, there's a line not to cross? At least he does have a limit or a standard. ]

As for being on top of the heap, that's not much of an accomplishment since you're more powerful by default. At least the rest of us have earned our stations.

From:

lamentapple

[ What. What. Lucifer's no Vox, but he's certainly experience a BSOD. With his jaw held firmly in Alastor's hand and a spoonful of soup shoved into his mouth, he has no choice but to freeze up, deer in headlights, before the sheer mind-blanking force of his outrage wears off. He glares at Alastor, doing his very best to murder the demon with sheer will. It doesn't work, and he finally has to give in and swallow.

Fuck his immortal life, the soup's actually good. ]

You earned it. By being more powerful than the rest of the rabble. [ Mumbled around the spoon, but still flatly. And ignoring how he wants more soup. ] Isn't that the pot calling?

[ He has no problem admitting that Alastor's powerful — for an overlord. And damnit, he really wants more soup. ]

From:

passimclamoribus

[ His grin shifts to something more relaxed, entertained. Lucifer struggling to accept just a mouthful before deciding that he's just going to give in. Yes, be a good little angel and just accept what is being given. The entire reaction is just too delightful and Alastor taps his fingers against that jaw.

No, he hasn't let go. ]

I should feel a little insulted. To think that you believe power is the only thing required of an Overlord. As if one can rise to that status on such a thing alone.

[ What a sight this must actually be. He's pretty sure by now the other staff are a little unsettled by the sight of Alastor feeding the King of Hell. Which is exactly what Alastor is doing, by getting another spoonful and shoving it into the other's mouth yet again.

Only because of that glare and the lack of addressing what the Radio Demon is doing. Pushing the proverbial envelope much? ]

It takes an incredible amount of skill, I'll have you know. Tenacity. A clever mind and the means to maintain control, be it through fear or charisma or some other quality.

From:

lamentapple

[ The thing about swallowing the soup means his mouth is now free for other things. Like snapping at Alastor's fingers, as awkward as the gesture is when his jaw is still being firmly held. Lucifer still puts in a valiant effort at it, only thwarted by the way Alastor goes right ahead and shoves another hot spoonful of soup in.

Fuck. It's still delicious.

Sulkily, Lucifer swallows this mouthful. And snaps the spoon clean through with a sudden clench of his jaw. At least he doesn't eat it, just spits it out to land on the table. Not that he couldn't, seraphim are omnivorous, but he doesn't really enjoy the taste of metal. ]

Yuh huh. And now you're putting all that skill and cleverness and tenacity to making sure I don't get any booboos.

[ He is not going to pay ANY attention to the gaping on the other side of the table. ]

From:

passimclamoribus

[ Yes, yes. Just eat what you have been given. Alastor is also ignoring anyone that could be staring. Charlie is likely looking worried and Vaggie glaring daggers at them both. At the same time no one thinks to interrupt.

Probably better that way.

Alastor himself just looks at the spoon that has been bitten in half. Rolls his eyes. He decides to squish those cheeks. ]

Yes, I am. There would be many a soul that would take advantage of that little fact. Alas, here I am wondering who taught you manners. Such unbecoming behavior, sire.

[ Now he removes his hand and picks up that bowl of soup. ]

Since you are unappreciative, maybe I should just take this away.

From:

lamentapple

[ There's a brief second of blankness, Lucifer's expression freezing into a shocked rictus, as it registers — Alastor is squishing his cheeks. Alastor is squishing his cheeks like he's some adorable pet that's performed a neat trick, and Lucifer hasn't the faintest idea of what to do about that. The surprise vanishes in the next moment; he just lets it happen. Letting on that he's surprised, that the sudden and prolonged contact is a bit disquieting, well. That would be letting Alastor win.

Ha ha, as if!

So okay, the cheek squish is permitted. Just another normal day in Hell, the bane of his existence casually pinching his cheek. No, there's nothing to see here! ]

Hey now, let's not be hasty. [ His hand snaps out, closing around Alastor's wrist before he can move to take the soup any further away. ] Although for your info, no one did. You might have noticed that Heaven's not real big on that.

[ He put up with cheek squishing without flattening Alastor into a wall, he deserves that soup! ]

From:

passimclamoribus

[ Angel is about to open his mouth and say something. Husk very wisely slaps a hand over the spider's mouth.

Honestly, Alastor doesn't even realize that he's squished those cheeks on a whim. Even more shocking is the fact that Lucifer grabs at a wrist and the Radio Demon doesn't just up and dump the soup on the angel's head. Instead there is a pause. A raise of a brow.

A grin that is reminiscent of a smirk. ]

Yes, I know. That was the point. The irony that angels aren't taught manners yet still think they are better than everyone else.

From:

lamentapple

[ A beat as Lucifer considers that point. And then, the strangest thing happens. So strange that Husk forgets to keep his hand over Angel's mouth in favor of joing Angel in gaping at the tableau playing out in front of them.

Lucifer laughs. He tilts his head, mouth creasing in a smile, and laughs. ]

Ha— Sure, manners don't actually make a guy better, but those assholes really are going around preaching with their noses in the air all holier-than-thou.

[ Is he an angel? Yeah, of course, by a technicality. But it is funny. He's always willing to engage in a little postmortem dunking on Adam and the rest of Heaven. ]

From:

passimclamoribus

Respectfully, Sire, I disagree. Manners are an essential part of one's upbringing. Without them we are but slaves to instinct and irrationality.

[ And something else happens. Something else that is strange. Alastor is sliding the bowl back down in front of Lucifer. With a snap of fingers - from the hand attached to the wrist that Lucifer isn't holding - the spoon fixes itself. It floats right back towards the soup as Alastor wiggles his fingers. ]

Manners are an important tool and skillset to be utilized.

From:

lamentapple

[ Is this a trick? Some kind of trap? Alastor's actually setting the delicious (if tainted) soup down in front of him again. Well, whatever. Lucifer lets go of Alastor's wrist in favor of snatching the spoon out of the air. No way he's gonna risk even a chance of Alastor trying to feed him again. ]

Eh. [ He scoops up some soup. ] I've met guys with the prettiest manners you'd ever see and they were nastier than Adam's mouth on a weeknight out.

[ Yum, soup. ]

From:

passimclamoribus

[ Alastor very much isn't eating anything. Very rarely does he do so in the presence of others. Besides, he's had his cooking for ages. At least for now, he's content to leave Lucifer be, humming. ]

That's why they are so important! What better way to hide one's true nature? It certainly works towards keeping people guessing.

[ He should know. Alastor managed to ensnare his victims this way. A gentleman like a spider attracting a fly into the trap. ]

From:

lamentapple

[ Lucifer does pause before taking another sip of soup. Sometimes, the worst person you know makes a valid point. ]

Okay, I'll give you that one. [ He can't expound upon how Alastor's clearly using his so-called manners as camoflage for how the whole bodyguard shtick is clearly only cover for annoying the ever-living crap out of Lucifer with Charlie right there listening, but they both know it's the case. ] You could try being a little more straightforward sometimes, though. It does wonders.

[ Ha, as if he thinks there's a chance of that ever happening. Alastor's twisty little mind probably doesn't know how to do straightforward. ]

From:

passimclamoribus

[ That's very true. He is using his manners as a sort of mask, but he does actually value them. Being boorish and a brute is just so boring. Underwhelming.

Alastor then raises a brow. Lucifer conceding that point? Will wonders never cease! Though the comment about being straightforward has him humming and looking away, thoughtful. ]

If you would think to ask something with sincerity, perhaps I might answer in kind.

From:

lamentapple

[ That declaration gets the most dubious look yet, and that's saying something considering the level of suspicion that's been flying around the breakfast table this morning. It can't really be that easy, right? That's just bait, something to give Lucifer hope that— well, he's not exactly sure what he's hoping for here beyond having one conversation with Alastor that doesn't twist into circles and end up with him feeling like he's fallen flat on his face. But that. Definitely a trap to lull Lucifer into lowering his guard.

Which is why he sets the spoon down, finally turns in his chair to face Alastor, and tilts his head back to look him in the eye. Ugh, maybe he should ask Alastor to stop being so tall. ]

I take it asking you to find something better to do than follow me around as unnecessary protection doesn't count as sincere?

[ He has zero expectations from this request. It's not a sincere one, anyway, but he knows better than to think Alastor would listen to anything he wants.

Right? ]

From:

passimclamoribus

Considering that request didn't originate from you, sire, it does not.

[ What a silly thing to throw out there. Alastor looks at the short king, entirely unamused. Well his smile is thin lipped. He has plenty of other things that he could be doing instead of this. However - ]

If it is something that Charlie asks of me, I actually do try to accommodate.

[ Which no one can say that Alastor doesn't do at least that. Ironic that he has found some enjoyment at this hotel outside of what he had been seeking. Oh he supposes that these little lives have found some semblance of fondness in his dead heart. Something like it, anyway. ]

Not that, again, you're being genuine in this moment either.

From:

lamentapple

Got me there, buddy.

[ Mostly because he can't think of anything he sincerely wants from Alastor. Even the bit about leaving the hotel and Charlie isn't something he's genuinely wanted for a while now. Say what he will about Alastor, but he does take care of Charlie. And it is a comforting thought for when he has to leave the hotel that most demons won't even think about trying to cause trouble with the fearsome Radio Demon around.

So fine, he's putting up with this. And Alastor.

Well, he'll do his best to put up with Alastor. Just because he's resigned himself to Alastor breathing in Charlie's vicinity doesn't mean the man doesn't absolutely drive him batty most days.

He does have an opportunity for a little revenge, though. And he takes it.

A quick pat to Alastor's head and Lucifer springs to his feet. ]

Luckily we've got a busy agenda. You can carry things for me.

From:

passimclamoribus

[ Alastor glances at Lucifer. Buddy he says. So casually to boot! It makes Alastor's skin crawl ever so slightly. The concession isn't really much of a victory. Rather, it doesn't feel like one and the Radio Demon can't really figure out why. Why would he have wanted more of a reaction? A more sincere request or even question?

Baffling. Completely and utterly baffling.

That's how he misses the fact that Lucifer pats him on the head. Between horns and ears - ears that flatten back as Alastor screeches static and glared. ]

Do not do that again. As long as you keep your hands to yourself, I'll consider it.

[ DO NOT PAT HIM. ]

From:

lamentapple

Yeesh, touchy.

[ Not like Alastor had any issue manhandling him earlier. Or having a silly baby slap fight with their canes. Or— well, the list goes on just from this over dinner interaction. The point is, this is really an overreaction for one quick little pat to the head.

But he doesn't try it again, or even reach out to touch Alastor in any other way. ]

If it bothers you that much— [ He holds his hands up, ta dah! Hands entirely off. ] Now come on, we have shopping to do.