passimclamoribus

[ A beat as Lucifer considers that point. And then, the strangest thing happens. So strange that Husk forgets to keep his hand over Angel's mouth in favor of joing Angel in gaping at the tableau playing out in front of them.

Lucifer laughs. He tilts his head, mouth creasing in a smile, and laughs. ]

Ha— Sure, manners don't actually make a guy better, but those assholes really are going around preaching with their noses in the air all holier-than-thou.

[ Is he an angel? Yeah, of course, by a technicality. But it is funny. He's always willing to engage in a little postmortem dunking on Adam and the rest of Heaven. ]

Respectfully, Sire, I disagree. Manners are an essential part of one's upbringing. Without them we are but slaves to instinct and irrationality.

[ And something else happens. Something else that is strange. Alastor is sliding the bowl back down in front of Lucifer. With a snap of fingers - from the hand attached to the wrist that Lucifer isn't holding - the spoon fixes itself. It floats right back towards the soup as Alastor wiggles his fingers. ]

Manners are an important tool and skillset to be utilized.

[ Is this a trick? Some kind of trap? Alastor's actually setting the delicious (if tainted) soup down in front of him again. Well, whatever. Lucifer lets go of Alastor's wrist in favor of snatching the spoon out of the air. No way he's gonna risk even a chance of Alastor trying to feed him again. ]

Eh. [ He scoops up some soup. ] I've met guys with the prettiest manners you'd ever see and they were nastier than Adam's mouth on a weeknight out.

[ Yum, soup. ]

[ Alastor very much isn't eating anything. Very rarely does he do so in the presence of others. Besides, he's had his cooking for ages. At least for now, he's content to leave Lucifer be, humming. ]

That's why they are so important! What better way to hide one's true nature? It certainly works towards keeping people guessing.

[ He should know. Alastor managed to ensnare his victims this way. A gentleman like a spider attracting a fly into the trap. ]

[ Lucifer does pause before taking another sip of soup. Sometimes, the worst person you know makes a valid point. ]

Okay, I'll give you that one. [ He can't expound upon how Alastor's clearly using his so-called manners as camoflage for how the whole bodyguard shtick is clearly only cover for annoying the ever-living crap out of Lucifer with Charlie right there listening, but they both know it's the case. ] You could try being a little more straightforward sometimes, though. It does wonders.

[ Ha, as if he thinks there's a chance of that ever happening. Alastor's twisty little mind probably doesn't know how to do straightforward. ]

[ That's very true. He is using his manners as a sort of mask, but he does actually value them. Being boorish and a brute is just so boring. Underwhelming.

Alastor then raises a brow. Lucifer conceding that point? Will wonders never cease! Though the comment about being straightforward has him humming and looking away, thoughtful. ]

If you would think to ask something with sincerity, perhaps I might answer in kind.

[ That declaration gets the most dubious look yet, and that's saying something considering the level of suspicion that's been flying around the breakfast table this morning. It can't really be that easy, right? That's just bait, something to give Lucifer hope that— well, he's not exactly sure what he's hoping for here beyond having one conversation with Alastor that doesn't twist into circles and end up with him feeling like he's fallen flat on his face. But that. Definitely a trap to lull Lucifer into lowering his guard.

Which is why he sets the spoon down, finally turns in his chair to face Alastor, and tilts his head back to look him in the eye. Ugh, maybe he should ask Alastor to stop being so tall. ]

I take it asking you to find something better to do than follow me around as unnecessary protection doesn't count as sincere?

[ He has zero expectations from this request. It's not a sincere one, anyway, but he knows better than to think Alastor would listen to anything he wants.

Right? ]

Considering that request didn't originate from you, sire, it does not.

[ What a silly thing to throw out there. Alastor looks at the short king, entirely unamused. Well his smile is thin lipped. He has plenty of other things that he could be doing instead of this. However - ]

If it is something that Charlie asks of me, I actually do try to accommodate.

[ Which no one can say that Alastor doesn't do at least that. Ironic that he has found some enjoyment at this hotel outside of what he had been seeking. Oh he supposes that these little lives have found some semblance of fondness in his dead heart. Something like it, anyway. ]

Not that, again, you're being genuine in this moment either.

Got me there, buddy.

[ Mostly because he can't think of anything he sincerely wants from Alastor. Even the bit about leaving the hotel and Charlie isn't something he's genuinely wanted for a while now. Say what he will about Alastor, but he does take care of Charlie. And it is a comforting thought for when he has to leave the hotel that most demons won't even think about trying to cause trouble with the fearsome Radio Demon around.

So fine, he's putting up with this. And Alastor.

Well, he'll do his best to put up with Alastor. Just because he's resigned himself to Alastor breathing in Charlie's vicinity doesn't mean the man doesn't absolutely drive him batty most days.

He does have an opportunity for a little revenge, though. And he takes it.

A quick pat to Alastor's head and Lucifer springs to his feet. ]

Luckily we've got a busy agenda. You can carry things for me.

[ Alastor glances at Lucifer. Buddy he says. So casually to boot! It makes Alastor's skin crawl ever so slightly. The concession isn't really much of a victory. Rather, it doesn't feel like one and the Radio Demon can't really figure out why. Why would he have wanted more of a reaction? A more sincere request or even question?

Baffling. Completely and utterly baffling.

That's how he misses the fact that Lucifer pats him on the head. Between horns and ears - ears that flatten back as Alastor screeches static and glared. ]

Do not do that again. As long as you keep your hands to yourself, I'll consider it.

[ DO NOT PAT HIM. ]

Yeesh, touchy.

[ Not like Alastor had any issue manhandling him earlier. Or having a silly baby slap fight with their canes. Or— well, the list goes on just from this over dinner interaction. The point is, this is really an overreaction for one quick little pat to the head.

But he doesn't try it again, or even reach out to touch Alastor in any other way. ]

If it bothers you that much— [ He holds his hands up, ta dah! Hands entirely off. ] Now come on, we have shopping to do.

[ That is all a different kind of touching, you know. It's more combative, a more delicate way of fighting. Or more clever. Patting him on the head somehow is... Too familiar.

But good. Keep hands to yourself! ]

Who said I was bothered? [ Him. He had. ] I simply don't want you to pull a muscle stretching to reach.

[ And thus does he stand. Waiting for the other to lead the way. ]

Don't worry, I'll be fine. [ Very, very cheery. ] That's why I'm bringing you, right?

[ To order around like a servant since he's not allowed to risk pulling a muscle, that's all, of course! If he has to put up with this, the least he can do is make Alastor fetch and carry everything for him.

He finally turns and acknowledges their audience for the past drama and gives a little wave. Ta ta, Charlie and friends!

And then back to Alastor with a manic grin. ]

Maybe you'd better carry me. Wouldn't want to risk tripping over something on the way, right?

[ Maybe Charlie is starting to regret this a little. Just maybe. Or it is a sign that they can keep to their disagreements with one another and still allow the hotel to remain standing.

Alastor's mother had once said something about killing someone with kindness. Now Alastor himself prefers killing someone with his bare hands but maybe she is onto something.

He gives the remainder of the hotel residents a wave. ]

Oh how right you are. [ Wait what. ] Can't have that now can we?

[ Is the Radio Demon about to scoop up the pint sized king into his arms like some kind of princess? Absolutely. And that's exactly how he is going to exit the room! ]

[ If Alastor was expecting Lucifer to take affront to being scooped up and carried off like his darling daughter's royal station deserved, well. That hope is put to bed by how Lucifer gleefully waves over his shoulder at the gaping audience, perched happy as can be in Alastor's long arms.

Even when they're out the hotel door and gone from sight, Lucifer only twists back around and settles himself more comfortably in the princess carry of Alastor's embrace. ]

Now, onto the hat store!

[ He gestures down the road — onwards, noble steed! ]

[ Yeah no one knows just what happened here. Two fools too full of pride to truly allow for the other to get one over on them. Alastor might not know what the game of "Chicken" is, but that's exactly what is happening here.

Since Lucifer is so HAPPY being in his arms - he's actually a bit heavier than anticipated - Alastor has to ruin it as they walk. ]

Enjoying the view, Your Majesty? I imagine it is quite the rare thing indeed!

It's not much, really. You get a much better vantage with wings.

[ Ha HA. Try bragging about being higher than that, asshole! Sure, Alastor can turn into some stupid big deer monster, but he can't soar into the sky to taunt angels. Just thinking about how he'd ruined Adam's day with that trick has Lucifer remaining unfazed by Alastor's attempt at a dig at his height. ]

Still, I'm surprised how well you're doing! [ A flick of his fingers and he has a little flag, proudly proclaiming "A+". ] Usually you don't think of deer as making for good rides.

Edited 2024-03-12 23:25 (UTC)

A fair point, I suppose.

[ Now waitaminute. Alastor isn't dropping him. Isn't put out by the lack of a reaction. If anything he just. Seems. More. Amused.

Maybe because they are now out of the hotel. In public. Lucifer might not care too much about appearances in general... But what about what others might say regarding him and Alastor, hmmm?

So excuse him while they walk because Alastor adjusts Lucifer in his hold. He brings up red fingertips to the angel's chin. ]

Now now, deerest, you really should be mindful of your word choices. Though I am ever so pleased that you are delighted with my services, might I suggest we keep such things private?

Edited 2024-03-12 23:57 (UTC)

[ Lucifer was in fact, bracing to be dropped on his ass, had a little flicker of magic all ready to go to save his derriere. But since he's not, and is still cradled in Alastor's arms, okay. He permits the touch to his chin, even lets Alastor tilt his head up. What's baring your throat to a creature that can't hope to ever land a bite? ]

Ha. And deprive you of your rightful reward? The honor and accolades? Surely the good people of Hell deserve to know what a great service you're rendering unto their king.

[ Caring about what people think of him? Caring about how tender Alastor's touch looks, or what someone might theorize if they overhear? Ha ha, won't catch Lucifer thinking about that! This is a battle that Alastor's posed and he's not about to lose it!

Even if that means he's princess carried all the way to the center of Pentagram City. ]

[ Oh he is certainly tempted to drop the other. Tempted, but Alastor isn't going to be outdone here. He isn't going to give Lucifer the satisfaction of thinking that the Radio Demon is turning tail to any confrontation. Not with this one. ]

Reward? I wasn't aware that I was receiving one. [ Just going to draw that finger up a bit and boop! Right on that non-existent nose. ] It's absolutely adorable that you don't realize the far reaching consequences of being seen in this way with me.

[ Not explaining further! Just going to continue to stroll while playing something akin to a love song around them ]

[ He goes a little cross-eyed as he tries to stare as— as Alastor boops his nose. Ish. No one has ever done that to him before. What does it mean? He's distracted from that question by the airy tune floating around them. What is Alastor playing at? ]

Are you— Are you trying to imply people will think we're dating?

[ That's— ha! He starts laughing, manages to get out: ]

You'd be lucky if I ever gave you the chance to take me out!

Oh my dear little king, do you really think with our marvelous population, their first thought would be dating? [ Alastor is the one laughing now. ] Your innocence is endearing.

[ Yeah, no. Sinners won't think that they are merely dating. Not with Alastor allowing for anything close to physical contact on this scale. Carrying around the King of Hell? Of course thoughts are naturally going to stray to the bedroom. Distasteful as it might be, seeing Lucifer potentially squirm is worth it. To dangle this in front of him is something to be savored.

In fact, if Lucifer is really looking around he'll notice that Sinners are stopping. Staring. Getting out their phones. Most aren't so foolish to try to take a picture of the Radio Demon. But Sinstagram isn't only video and photos... ]

As for taking you out, why my dear, I think I already have "taken you out!" Did I not just scoop you up into my arms and walk out of the hotel's doors?

[ Lucifer sighs, shoulders slumping — if that makes it look like he's cuddling into Alastor's hold, well, the damage has already been done, he can't make it look any more like they're fucking. He makes a face up at Alastor. Sinners! They're always so damn crass. ]

I know the population's made up of degenerates! [ His first thought would have been dating, that's all! ] You're one of them, anyway. You did that on purpose.

[ Why Alastor wants people to think they're fucking... well, he honestly can't guess. And he can feel people staring, of course. They usually do when he goes out in public, but this is even worse, like their eyes are boring into him, scooping bits out, trying to eat him up— Ugh. ]

If you think that's enough to bother me, you've forgotten exactly who I am. [ Alastor wants to make them an item? Fine! He's not backing down! He grabs hold of Alastor's collar and drags him down, nose to nose. To anyone watching, it surely looks like a kiss as he hisses: ] Maybe I should remind you.

Edited 2024-03-20 00:50 (UTC)

My flavor of degeneracy is quite different than your typical. Please don't insult me over something you started.

[ Calling him some kind of steed or the like. Really, Lucifer walked right into this situation. Practically begged for it. Alastor can walk away from ridiculous challenges usually. Things that he doesn't feel the need to engage in. Yet with Lucifer, he just can't. He can't bring himself to just step away. It's like the thought doesn't even occur to him. Though he does take offense to some of this. Alastor is a lot of things, but not crass.

That's why he is continuing their little game. For him, it's not about the reputation or what others will say. Regardless, he will be feared and people will avoid coming into contact with him. What Alastor wants to know is how far Lucifer is willing to take this.

And Charlie isn't here to stop them from spiraling out of control. ]

You seem to think that your lofty title matters a whit to me, mon ange. [ It doesn't. Never has. Alastor gives no fucks that Lucifer is the King of Hell. Even with Lucifer suddenly pulling them nose to nose and making a threat, he doesn't care about that. Like he wants to push that boundary more as he pushes back into the other. ] I don't and it's doubtful I ever will, no matter what reminders you think to give me.

What? My title? [ Genuine confusion in his voice for a second before the irritation comes back with a vengeance. ] No, not that, who cares about that! I meant I'm the original sin, baby!

[ Complete with some sparkly red confetti glittering in the background to complete the manic fury in the air.

Yeah, about it looking like a kiss! Ha ha, that's so thirty seconds ago, because Lucifer is grabbing Alastor by the collar, taking a deep breath — that is, looking around from the corners of his eyes to make sure there's a good handful of sinners watching them — and drags Alastor right into a full on smooch.

A-HA, take that! ]

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